The Power Of 'No'
10/2014
Responsibility. It’s a heavy word. It’s imbued with doing what you sometimes don’t want to do, and weighed down with going that extra mile.
As a child, I couldn’t wait to be grown. Being grown meant I would decide everything, no body could tell me anything and I would have full fledged freedom to do, come, go, or not as I pleased.
I was wrong of course, but I didn’t know that until I became that grown-up, full of nine-to-five jobs, bills to be paid and later on, marriage and children to raise. I was surprised to find out that as an adult I had even less choice; that I was bound by responsibility and duty and more often than not, doing what I just didn’t feel like doing and in the process, putting myself on the back burner.
It was called being a grown-up and I thought it ironic that as a child, I saw it as freedom, unbounded by anybodies rules, where life would be a wonderful marathon of doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted.
The Reality? Winter, spring, summer, fall; sleet, snow, hail, dark of night; burning summers, bone-numbing winters, monsoon-drenching rains, no matter what the weather, I had to get up five days a week and go to work, whether I liked it or not. The big reward was supposed to be payday, but payday often meant paying bills and a few dollars left for perhaps a new pair of shoes or something special for dinner.
A few things changed in my life round the age of forty: my perfect 20/20 vision began to slip, my normally low blood pressure began to rise and I discovered the power of ‘No.’ What is the power of ‘no?’ It’s turning down request from others that required you to do something because, for a bunch of reasons, or none at all, it means 'going that extra mile' and it's just not a good fit for you.
Up until that point, if someone asked me to do something for them, I would say yes, even if it made my stomach twinge. I would say yes even if it interfered with my own plans, or I was dog tired. But one day I guess I got one request too many, thought about it and said no. Needless to say both the other person and myself were shocked. I’d never said no to them before. But guess what? We survived it.
Time passed and I found myself saying no to someone else, a big someone—my mainstream publisher. I said no to the deal they offered me and walked away with no book contract, publishing house or agent in sight. It was a crazy move in some folk’s eyes, but my spirit said it was the only move to make. ‘No’ had now become a part of my vocabulary.
It was scary and it left me with deep anxiety. Some of my fellow authors marveled at my bravery, after all, this was a major publishing house and I hadn’t gotten close to making the New York Times Best Selling list, so maybe I should stay there because they were going to continue to publish me and I wasn't that big of an author to just leave. But, I left anyway and a year later, I had a new agent, a new publishing house, a twenty-eight city book tour and a six-figure book deal. For me, that illustrated the power of ‘No.’
Since that time I’ve used the power of ‘No’ often. I’ve abandoned lucrative business arrangements because I realized proceeding wasn’t in my best interest. I’ve turned down business contracts for the same reason. At the end of the day, ‘No’ protects me and I’ve come to respect its call when I feel it. But the most interesting example happened just recently. I told myself ‘no.’
I’m an independent author now and there are times when I worked seven days a week, hardly taking any time off for myself. I have a major literary event coming up and I had been working hard on it for months. One day something said: Don’t do any work today. Of course my business mind immediately ran off the list of things that needed to be done and balked at the very idea. But that voice inside of me was insistent. Take some time off. No work today. No work tomorrow and no work the next day. Three days of no work? I must be crazy. I got a ton of stuff I need to do and blah, blah, blah.
I was saying ‘no’ to myself and it felt very strange. I didn’t trust it. I had a ton of work and couldn’t think about stopping till it was finished. But the little voice wouldn’t go away, so I yielded, striking a bargaining where I would relax for a few hours in front of the TV. I popped some popcorn, eased into my recliner and watch a few shows on on-demand. Afterward, I got back on my computer and tried to do some work. Couldn’t.
The next day it was the same thing—I didn’t feel like working at all, so I didn’t. By day three I knew what exactly what I was doing, I was giving myself a ‘stay-cation’—away from work. I enjoyed it fully but more important, I was giving my mind, body and spirit a much needed and long overdue break. I was recharging myself.
I didn’t understand that part until after five days of no work, I got back to work and the work flowed real smooth. Things that had perplexed me suddenly made all the sense in the world. Glitches that I was having with my website totally disappeared and uploading my video on youtube was a piece of cake. Not only that, new and fresh ideas starting coming to me in a steady stream and the writing for my next book was effortless. It was then that I knew that as a result of walking away from work, telling my own self ‘no’, the heavens had opened on all my creative fronts.
And that’s all the power of ‘No’ is. It’s telling people, things and situations around you that you can’t get with their program right now because it’s more important that you get with your own. It taking time to renew, recharge or just giving your some down time. It's understanding that all that glitters ain't gold and what something looks like isn't necessary what it really is. There is a saying: how can you take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself? For me, sometimes the best way to do that is utilizing the power of ‘No.’
As a child, I couldn’t wait to be grown. Being grown meant I would decide everything, no body could tell me anything and I would have full fledged freedom to do, come, go, or not as I pleased.
I was wrong of course, but I didn’t know that until I became that grown-up, full of nine-to-five jobs, bills to be paid and later on, marriage and children to raise. I was surprised to find out that as an adult I had even less choice; that I was bound by responsibility and duty and more often than not, doing what I just didn’t feel like doing and in the process, putting myself on the back burner.
It was called being a grown-up and I thought it ironic that as a child, I saw it as freedom, unbounded by anybodies rules, where life would be a wonderful marathon of doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted.
The Reality? Winter, spring, summer, fall; sleet, snow, hail, dark of night; burning summers, bone-numbing winters, monsoon-drenching rains, no matter what the weather, I had to get up five days a week and go to work, whether I liked it or not. The big reward was supposed to be payday, but payday often meant paying bills and a few dollars left for perhaps a new pair of shoes or something special for dinner.
A few things changed in my life round the age of forty: my perfect 20/20 vision began to slip, my normally low blood pressure began to rise and I discovered the power of ‘No.’ What is the power of ‘no?’ It’s turning down request from others that required you to do something because, for a bunch of reasons, or none at all, it means 'going that extra mile' and it's just not a good fit for you.
Up until that point, if someone asked me to do something for them, I would say yes, even if it made my stomach twinge. I would say yes even if it interfered with my own plans, or I was dog tired. But one day I guess I got one request too many, thought about it and said no. Needless to say both the other person and myself were shocked. I’d never said no to them before. But guess what? We survived it.
Time passed and I found myself saying no to someone else, a big someone—my mainstream publisher. I said no to the deal they offered me and walked away with no book contract, publishing house or agent in sight. It was a crazy move in some folk’s eyes, but my spirit said it was the only move to make. ‘No’ had now become a part of my vocabulary.
It was scary and it left me with deep anxiety. Some of my fellow authors marveled at my bravery, after all, this was a major publishing house and I hadn’t gotten close to making the New York Times Best Selling list, so maybe I should stay there because they were going to continue to publish me and I wasn't that big of an author to just leave. But, I left anyway and a year later, I had a new agent, a new publishing house, a twenty-eight city book tour and a six-figure book deal. For me, that illustrated the power of ‘No.’
Since that time I’ve used the power of ‘No’ often. I’ve abandoned lucrative business arrangements because I realized proceeding wasn’t in my best interest. I’ve turned down business contracts for the same reason. At the end of the day, ‘No’ protects me and I’ve come to respect its call when I feel it. But the most interesting example happened just recently. I told myself ‘no.’
I’m an independent author now and there are times when I worked seven days a week, hardly taking any time off for myself. I have a major literary event coming up and I had been working hard on it for months. One day something said: Don’t do any work today. Of course my business mind immediately ran off the list of things that needed to be done and balked at the very idea. But that voice inside of me was insistent. Take some time off. No work today. No work tomorrow and no work the next day. Three days of no work? I must be crazy. I got a ton of stuff I need to do and blah, blah, blah.
I was saying ‘no’ to myself and it felt very strange. I didn’t trust it. I had a ton of work and couldn’t think about stopping till it was finished. But the little voice wouldn’t go away, so I yielded, striking a bargaining where I would relax for a few hours in front of the TV. I popped some popcorn, eased into my recliner and watch a few shows on on-demand. Afterward, I got back on my computer and tried to do some work. Couldn’t.
The next day it was the same thing—I didn’t feel like working at all, so I didn’t. By day three I knew what exactly what I was doing, I was giving myself a ‘stay-cation’—away from work. I enjoyed it fully but more important, I was giving my mind, body and spirit a much needed and long overdue break. I was recharging myself.
I didn’t understand that part until after five days of no work, I got back to work and the work flowed real smooth. Things that had perplexed me suddenly made all the sense in the world. Glitches that I was having with my website totally disappeared and uploading my video on youtube was a piece of cake. Not only that, new and fresh ideas starting coming to me in a steady stream and the writing for my next book was effortless. It was then that I knew that as a result of walking away from work, telling my own self ‘no’, the heavens had opened on all my creative fronts.
And that’s all the power of ‘No’ is. It’s telling people, things and situations around you that you can’t get with their program right now because it’s more important that you get with your own. It taking time to renew, recharge or just giving your some down time. It's understanding that all that glitters ain't gold and what something looks like isn't necessary what it really is. There is a saying: how can you take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself? For me, sometimes the best way to do that is utilizing the power of ‘No.’